It’s easy to say something negative: “I don’t like that.” “I don’t want it that way.” Many people find it easier to express their disapproval than to clearly articulate their desires. As a result, it often remains unclear what the real issue is – what the actual needs and expectations are. This is where the small, inconspicuous word “but” comes in, which can open doors and lead to positive, constructive communication.
The trick is not to let the negative statement stand, but to ask specifically about the desired outcome. “But…” helps to steer a conversation in a productive direction – with minimal effort and maximum return.
Why is it so effective?
In conversations, many tend to focus on what is not working. But it is precisely at this point that it becomes difficult to find solutions if it is not clear what the actual goal is. With “But” you give your counterpart the impulse to steer the view away from the problem to the solution. A simple question like “But?” can work wonders because it challenges your counterpart to formulate what they want.
How does it work in practice?
For example, you are in a meeting and a colleague says, “I don’t like this approach.” Instead of focusing on the negative, simply ask, “But what?” What would be an alternative you prefer?”
By asking this question, you steer the conversation onto a solution-oriented path and foster an atmosphere in which constructive ideas can emerge. This makes the conversation more productive and ensures that both sides feel heard.
Why is it so difficult for us to formulate positively?
The reason for this is often that we intuitively focus on what bothers us or what we don’t like. These negative thoughts are quickly formulated, while the positive often seems more difficult to grasp. The word “but” helps to break through this mental barrier and gets your counterpart to focus on what is really desired.
Use “but” in the following situations:
- In meetings: When criticism is expressed, you can use “But?” to steer the conversation in a constructive direction.
- In feedback: Help your counterpart not only to say what is not working, but also how it could be done better.
- In negotiations: Use “But?” to turn objections into suggestions.
Conclusion: From problem to solution with “But”
The little word “but” is a powerful tool for creating clarity and finding solutions in conversations. It not only helps to avoid misunderstandings, but also promotes productive collaboration and the clarification of expectations. When you use “but” purposefully, you’ll quickly notice how it changes the quality of your conversations – with minimal effort and maximum return.
Would you like to learn more?
In our leadership training, we place particular emphasis on so-called minimax interventions – small changes that can be easily applied in everyday work but make a big difference. Whether it’s communicating more effectively, managing conflicts in a solution-oriented way, or improving teamwork, our approaches are practical, easy to implement, and produce immediate results.
Contact us now and discover how small steps can lead to big changes.
